The perfect crime

We shall skip the part "This is the Discworld, carried by four elephants" and so on. Everyone knows. We shall also skip the part Cedric Bonewasher, thief and guild member, managed to kidnap a wizard from Unseen University and how he made him reach this place. The wizard himself was found later, saying "he just can't... not from there", laughing uncontrolled. Being asked how one could kidnap a wizard of Unseen University, Chancellor Ridcully stated it a wizard's affair, we can handle it, thank you and have a good day.

The place was the definition of black. The sky was black, the house before Cedric was black, and even the grass before the house was black. He found the keys in a planter nearby. Creativity was not one of death's strong points. Cedric entered the house and was confronted with even blacker black. The furniture and even the walls seemed to be placed as to pretend reality. Cedric knew little, but he remem-bered a servant named Albert. Fortunately, when Cedric made his way through the rooms to the library, all of them were characterised for their albertlessness.

A well trained thief, no sound could be heard when Cedric opened the door to the library. He had never seen such an amount of books. Well, that was not surprising for a man of Ankh-Morpork, where most people thought suspicious about books, especially magic ones. You never knew if they would bite you. These books didn't. The wizard had said they'd contain all life on the disc, written down in detail. Cedric searched the endless rows of book spines and after a while he grabbed one and opened it. He read: "Cedric Bonewasher read the book containing his life. 'If I make it out of here with this book, I'll be best thief ever' he thought. Then a clack, clack, clack behind him made him shiver. A voice like rocks moving on lead asked him..."
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Cedric turned and saw a skeleton wearing a black robe. Deaths eyes gleamed. A skeletal hand held an hourglass with a little sign reading "Cedric Bonewasher".
I CAN'T ALLOW YOU TO GET AWAY WITH THIS. WORSE, YOU MADE ME ANGRY.
"But you are Death!!! You're not supposed to feel anything!!!!! "
Death would have raised his eyebrow, if he had one. He led the hourglass off.
REALLY?


Sämtliche Ähnlichkeiten zu Terry Pratchett's Scheibenwelt sind vollkommen beabsichtigt.

Dieser Text war eine Hausaufgabe für den Abitur-Englischkurs. Der Kommentar der bearbeitenden Lehrerin lautete wörtlich:
I'm afraid once again I had great trouble following your ideas, Stefan. What on earth were you writing about?!
What was the crime? What was perfect about it?
Help! I'm lost!

Für alle, die von Textintepretation so wenig verstehen wie ich, zur Erklärung:
Die Scheibenwelt, auf der diese Geschichte spielt, ist eine Erfindung des britischen Autoren Terry Pratchett. Auf dieser Welt ist Tod eine Persönlichkeit, die das Leben jedes einzelnen beendet. Er spricht grundätzlich IN GROSSBUCHSTABEN. Tod wohnt in einem Haus, in welches Cedric einbricht.
Für einen Dieb ist es das perfekte Verbrechen, das Buch zu stehlen, in dem sein Leben geschrieben wird. Cedric ist gescheitert, aber das heißt nicht, dass es nicht als perfektes Verbrechen geplant war.
Tod sollte als Entität gefühllos sein, aber in manchen Romanen ist er menschlicher als ein Mensch. Deshalb tötet er Cedric aus Wut, indem er dessen Lebensuhr fallen lässt.

Wer auch mit dieser Erklärung nichts anfangen kann, sollte "Alles Sense" lesen (ISBN 978-3442421305),
im Original "Reaper Man" (ISBN 0-552-13464-3).